Growing up, did you feel like they gave everyone a how-to manual for life except
for you? Maybe your copy was placed under the leg of a wobbly plant stand or used
to line a parakeet's cage? I definitely felt that way.
I distinctly remember sitting in my 6th grade middle school class one day when the teacher said, "If you want to join band, go over to Mr. So-and-So's class." When a group of kids got up to go, I sat at my desk thinking, I wish I could go. I'd love to play the flute, but I don't know much about music.
Well, duh! Those kids probably didn't either! Why did I assume they did?
I'll put a bit of blame on my shyness and anxiety, but how frustrating is it to look back on the things I missed out on because I thought that everyone else was better prepared, better equipped, and, in some way, more deserving of these opportunities. Believing this mindset plopped me right in the middle of getting in my own way.
I'd have loved to have written for the school newspaper, entered poetry contests, joined clubs, and, yes, gone to band camp.
I think my anxious brain figured if I got myself into these types of situations, I would end up embarrassing myself and others would see how awkward of a human being I really was.
I kept these feelings to myself for a long time, but brought them up to my husband a few years ago. It surprised me to find out that he had felt the same way growing up.
As I get older, I'm realizing there isn't a how-to manual everyone else is reading that provides the prerequisites they need to join the band. Maybe instead they are less concerned about how they will be viewed by others and more into learning about things that interest them?
I know for some this is a no-brainer, but growing up shy and anxious, to me, this is a revelation.
Not until I started in the adult working world, did I begin to suspect no one really had it together (if you do, I don't want to know - lol), and we're doing the best we can with what we've got.
I like knowing that I'm not alone in having felt this way. Nothing has changed except for my mindset and, luckily, that's made all the difference.